Cheers To A Potter Wedding
by Shefali12
Summary: In a Potter wedding things will always go wrong. Potters attract trouble like candy attracts flies.


**Disclaimer:-** Thanks to this disclaimer, I own zilch

* * *

Lily was made to sit on the chair. It was her wedding day. She was supposed to be happy and not ready to curse the next person who told her 'just relax'. That term seemed to attract a plethora of new disasters.

Lily sat in her wedding dress with her mother looking at her intently. The shade of grey that her mother's hair had newly attained seemed to make her look a dozen times older than she was. Lily hated to think her mother was getting old.

Marlene stood beside her. James was watching her, standing behind her mother. Remus still held the sobering potion in his hand. Sirius sent her a sympathetic smile.

Her mother stroked her arm softly, "Lily, all weddings seem like disasters. But they always, and I can't stress this enough, make good memories. You will never forget this night."

Lily scoffed, "Neither will Uncle Albert who has the burn marks to show it."

She wasn't blameless; she knew it.

She ought to rejoin the reception.

_A few hours earlier_

Lily was getting late and she strongly hated the fact. Her father stopped suddenly, halfway out the door.

"Car keys. I forgot the car keys. Go to the car, I'll be there in a moment," he muttered quickly and far too distracted to notice the keys dangling from his fingers.

Her mother obeyed and scurried out the door.

"Dad, no! They're in your hands. We have to leave!" Lily called out to her father. He tripped slightly on the steps and ran back down towards the door. He grabbed Lily by the elbow, leading her at a swift pace.

Petunia would meet them at the chapel with Vernon, something Lily was faintly dreading. Their, hers and James's, last meeting with Vernon had turned into a disaster.

Lily jumped into the car just as her father did. He started the car and they were off.

It wasn't forty minutes later that they were inside the chapel in her room. Her mother helped fix her hair like she had with her dress. Lily was frantically worrying about every possible thing.

"Have the guests started ariving? I'm forgetting something, aren't I? What am I forgetting? Has anyone checked on James?" Lily asked her bridesmaids, Marlene and Rose. "Does my hair look okay? I look like a moose, don't I?"

"Marlene, why don't you go check and I'll go welcome the guests," Rose suggested. She checked Lily's bag to see if they had missed something.

Marlene smiled, "Lily, you're one of the most beautiful brides I have ever seen. Stop fussing about your hair already."

Lily smiled back at Marlene's reflection in the mirror, "Thank you."

Marlene nodded, "I'll be back in a few minutes. Please don't worry yourself to death till then."

Marlene exited the room swiftly, her blue bridesmaid's dress shuffled softly with each step.

* * *

James stood staring dumbstruck at his reflection in the full-sized mirror in front of him. Sirius wasn't much help vainly stifling laughter. Remus made the most inane suggestions and no one knew where Peter was.

"Tell me again what happened?" James squeezed his eyes shut.

"It's not going to sound any better the second time, mate?" Sirius snorted but composed himself under James' glare.

"We can fix this. We're wizards, of course we can fix this," Remus went on for what could be the fifth time in the last ten minutes.

There was a series of soft knocks on the door.

"Who is it?" Remus posed just as James said, "Fuck off."

"What happened to keeping a low profile until we found a solution? You think that tone constitutes as completely 'cool' or 'untroubled'?" Remus shot back at him.

Sirius snorted again and had to lean on the mirror to keep from falling.

"It's Marlene and what was with that voice? Don't tell me something is wrong." The doorknob jerked. "Why is the door locked?"

"Ah, shit, Lily's sent her to check. I told Lily not to worry about us," James grumbled. He pulled at the collar of his shirt.

Remus answered Marlene's question, "Nothing's wrong, Marlene."

"Then why is the door locked?" Marlene had become suspicious.

"Because the groom is inappropriate," Sirius called out before the other two could answer.

"What?" the voice shrieked behind the door.

"James hasn't got any clothes on," Remus said. Remus got off the couch as he did so and moved to the door.

James was beginning to panic, "I won't live to see another day…Why me?"

Marlene had been taken aback for a moment, "Send him to the bathroom and open the door."

"I'm not the only one that's 'inappropriate'. Sirius is too," James countered. He had his head in his hands and sat with a defeatist attitude on the stool.

"You're both liars. I'm coming in! You had better be properly dressed," Marlene announced, shortly before unhinging the door.

She pushed a few blonde strands back before looking up. What she saw made her question her sanity. When she opened her eyes, the image was still intact.

"What-who-where-what-why-what huh?" Marlene muttered incoherently, switching from question to question for the groom stood in front of her in a baby blue suit that looked very similar to the one Lily had picked out. Only now it was much too small to fit James. The trousers appeared to have been chopped up as they reached just above his knees. His undershirt was bright white in contrast to the dark blue vest. What was more priceless was the expression on James' face. He couldn't settle on just one. He was angry, confused, reasonably upset, tired, hassled and incredulous. His left eye was also beginning to twitch.

Marlene still gaped at James and Sirius lost all self-control as he exuded loud, booming sounds of laughter. Remus wasn't any better, plopping back down on the couch to laugh. James was hinting at manic laughter.

"Breathe, Marlene, breathe," she mumbled to herself. She pointed on shaky finger at the suit James wore and inquired non-verbally with an inquisitive stare.

"Well, it's kind of a long story," Remus started nervously.

"Then make it quick," Marlene folded her arms. Remus got up to shut the door.

"Alright, it's not a long story. This morning after my night shift for the Order, I went back to the apartment to pick up the suit but when I opened the door, I found the entire place had been ransacked." Marlene's eyebrows jumped. Sirius went on ignoring the reaction, "Nothing had been stolen. Only James' suit had been…altered."

Sirius began choking on laughter.

"We did everything to change the suit back but the spell is irreversible. We went to the shop to get another suit but they asked for the original back and kicked us out when we showed it. We thought of going to Dumbledore but he was busy. And by that time, we had to come here. So, I thought that if we tweaked a few things, the suit wouldn't look so…eye-catching. Anyhow, we've sent Peter to get another," Remus concluded.

"But that was hours ago," James groaned.

Marlene inhaled deeply, "First, when Lily finds out about this, she will kill you in the most painful way imaginable." James flinched at the prospect. "Second, when such a time comes, I should be allowed to watch her obliterate your remains. Third, we're wizards; let's transfigure a suit."

"Don't you think we already tried? We tried with pizza but James started smelling like a fat, smelly, Italian man. We tried it with stone; James had gravel pouring out of his pockets…." Sirius listed off each attempt.

"That's because the lot of you are incompetent. Why didn't you just remove the pizza smell?" Marlene asked with a huff.

"Our wands have been tweaked as well," James growled.

"I was home the entire time Sirius was on patrol. I wasn't even aware that our home was being ransacked," Remus admitted.

James looked up at Marlene, his eyes flashing. "This is all Snape's fault."

"How do you figure that? You haven't met Snape in over a year and since the last time you met him it was an accident, you essentially haven't met Snape since we left Hogwarts," Marlene reasoned. "He has no reason to do this."

"He loves Lily. That's his reason," James interjected.

"All the same, he wouldn't do this to her on her wedding day. It's too selfish. Now, as for the suit crisis, we'll use my wand."

Marlene raised her wand. However, there was no change to indicate the use of magic.

"What the hell? Did someone put an anti-reversal spell on that?" Marlene rushed. She tried several more times but there was no change. "Okay. Well, that's disappointing. There's no need to panic. Peter might save the day."

As if on cue, the last marauder entered the room looking frazzled, a brown package under his arm. He wasn't alone for his fuzzy companion soon jumped on James, pushing them both to the floor, and profusely licked his face.

"No, Lizzy," Peter called the dog off.

"You brought a dog to my wedding?" James wiped his mouth with his sleeve and stood up.

"Your date's a dog? I know I told you to be open-minded, Wormtail. But that is not what I had in mind," Sirius jested. "It's kinky."

Remus bit the inside of his mouth to stifle his laughter.

"I thought you knew dogs shouldn't be brought to public occasions like these. They become a nuisance," James was too tired to be angry. "We've had nine years worth of proof to support the notion."

"Hey!" Remus started, offended.

"Calm down, Remus. Don't get your knickers in a twist. I'm not talking about you," James replied, waving his hand dismissively.

"Hey!" Sirius stopped laughing abruptly.

"What are you talking about?" Marlene began.

"It's not important. Get rid of the dog, Wormtail," James' tone suggested an order. .

"Yeah. It's probably full of fleas," Marlene added. She wrinkled her nose as she said so.

Peter gasped and clasped his hands over the dog's ears.

"Don't cover its ears, Wormtail," James maintained his defeatist tone surprisingly well while still adding irritation to his voice.

"You don't know what that cruel owner was going to do to her. If I hadn't rescued her," Peter pressed his hands more tightly on the dog's ears, "she would be someone's dinner."

"I don't have time to argue about this. The dog can stay but keep her out of the ceremony," James warned but he might as well as have ordered it. "Tell me you got my suit."

"Yes," Peter shook his head as he said that. He unwrapped the brown paper bag tucked under his arm. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't expect so little of me."

"Your date is a dog….It doesn't matter. You're right. Thank you. You saved the day," James took the brown package swiftly and ran into the bathroom.

"She's not my date," Peter said in an undertone.

"Keep telling yourself that, Petey," Sirius scoffed.

A minute later, James came out looking a dozen times better than he did in the baby blue suit.

"It doesn't have a tie. It's a little tight. But it's fine. Good job, Pete," James grinned.

Rose barged into the room with a worried expression, "Oh thank Merlin, nothing's wrong here. You'd been gone for a while and Lily was starting to hyperventilate."

"That's where you're incorrect, Rosy. But crisis averted so I will agree with you for now. Why do you look like you saw a ghost," Marlene asked.

"The flowers…the hall is a mess and I can't do a thing about it because all the muggles are seated there. The cake hasn't arrived yet and the band didn't show," Rose spoke quickly. She panted between words and wiped beads of sweat off her forehead.

Marlene's eyes widened.

Sirius and James chorused, "Snape."

Remus shut his eyes tight to keep his composure.

"Start with the flowers," Marlene instructed.

"They were put up yesterday because of some mix-up. All night long they rotted and now they're bald."

"What do you mean by 'bald'?" Remus asked, puzzled. Marlene was starting to feel a wave of horror.

"The petals fell off so it's just stems and brown leaves stinking up the hall," Rose finished.

"We'll get rid of the smell. That should be easy. As long as it doesn't attract too much attention, it's not a problem. We'll keep the attention away from it. Find out about the cake and if it isn't here, go out and steal one if you have to. As for the band, we'll have to use the radio. I'll put a sonorus charm on the radio until the band shows. For now, we have to keep Lily calm." Marlene next addressed the marauders, "Time for the wedding to begin. Let's get going and I'll give Lily a few remedies to help her relax."

Marlene and Rose left apprehensively to pick up Lily. Rose made a short detour to the bar and picked up a bottle of firewhiskey while Marlene escorted Lily towards the hall. Rose met her there with the drinks and together the two braced themselves for what could happen next.

"Lily, sweetheart, we have something to tell you," Marlene almost cooed. She treaded carefully.

"Something is wrong, isn't it? I knew this would happen," Lily began.

"Lily, remember that there are a hundred people in that hall so we can't be too loud. Now, there were a few… errors." Marlene spoke softly and allowed the words to sink in, something Lily appreciated wholeheartedly.

Then Marlene and Rose started speaking quickly all of a sudden. Marlene went first, "The flowers are practically non-existent but I saw the hall and it still looks beautiful."

Rose added, nodding furiously, "The cake isn't here but we have a brilliant selection of desserts in case it doesn't arrive."

"And the band didn't show up but we have the solution to it all worked out. There will definitely be music," Marlene finished. She handed a bottle of firewhiskey to the bride who gulped it down. Marlene tried to take the bottle back but she was met with backhanded slaps.

Lily kept gulping till the bottle was near to empty.

"That felt so good. Get me more," Lily looked frenzied as she spoke.

"Back to the bad news. Potter isn't wearing the suit you picked out and I promise you it isn't his fault. It's his sloppy roommates' faults who didn't have the good sense to properly secure their apartment even though there is a war going on. And there will be a dog waiting in the hall but she will not disturb the ceremony," Marlene ranted quickly and let Lily finish the bottle.

"I need more," Lily said, only short of yelling.

"No, Lily. You are going to go in there and exude beauty and confidence because nothing else matters but you and James. Forget about the flowers and the food and the guests. This day is not about them," Marlene gripped the bride's shoulders firmly.

"Are _you_ drunk? Is that some sort of sick rhetorical question?" Lily inquired with an expression that questioned her friend's sanity. "Of course this day is about them. People look for gossip from weddings gone bad."

"On a more pressing note, how are you still sober?" Marlene sounded just as incredulous.

Rose shifted towards Marlene and whispered, "I mixed water with the alcohol. She had maybe half a bottle of firewhiskey in actuality."

Marlene was impressed, "Wise choice." She turned back to Lily, "Don't cry, honey. That's your cue, Rose." She muttered to Rose as the harpist began. "Lily, just relax and get through this until we think of a solution."

Lily nodded and Marlene followed Rose into the hall. Lily took her father's hand and walked in with a grimace-like smile upon her face. It was true; the flowers didn't look so bad. The smell was gone and the guests didn't know any better.

Lily saw James beaming at her from the alter and she felt instantly better. She kissed her father on his cheek and took her place beside the groom.

From then on, the ceremony proceeded smoothly for which Lily was glad until the moment after they had read their vows. The priest was speaking when Lizzy, the dog began barking madly. She surged forward threateningly.

That was followed by screaming on the part of Lily's uncle, Albert. He slapped his palms at the back of his neck to null the fire but it wouldn't.

Lily felt her eyes widen and she was speaking but she wasn't aware of what she said.

Uncle Albert continued slapping with added help from the neighboring guests. Then a woman picked up a bouquet of stems off the walls and whacked Uncle Albert in efforts to suppress the small fire on his back.

It was only a few minutes later when Peter ran to the corner of the room, picked up a vase with rotting water and poured it's contents on the fire.

Uncle Albert spluttered and unwillingly thanked him.

"A room full of witches and wizards and we use a vase of, Merlin knows how old, water to react. I have increasingly less hope for humanity," Remus muttered to Sirius who released a bark of laughter.

The room quieted with all eyes on Sirius. An awkward air encompassed the hall and the priest cleared his throat to break the silence. "Shall we go on?"

Lily wanted so badly to cry. Her eyes were sparked with tears.

"Just relax, Lil. Everything will be okay," James whispered to her sympathetically.

The ceremony was concluded shortly after that. The party moved to the reception hall and Lily tried to put the catastrophe of a ceremony behind her.

Moving around the room, several guests congratulated her. Others pitied her and tried not to show it. With every conversation, Lily had a glass of wine.

It was nearly time for the toasts when Sirius realized he was missing his speech.

He informed Remus thusly who advised him to run back to the groom's room to retrieve it but it was not found there. It was supposed to be in the old suit but since it wasn't there, it meant that the speech had been stolen when the apartment was ransacked.

Marlene was about ready to finish her toast when Sirius was improvising.

"…I cannot expect a more unlikely yet perfect couple to have ever existed. I wish you two the best. To Lily and James!" she raised her glass.

Sirius stood up laughing nervously, "That one's going to be a hard one to beat."

"That's not his speech. He wrote his speech with me. Where is it?" Lily asked, flabbergasted.

Remus smiled a shaky one, "Suffice it to say that it will make no mention today. Just relax, Lil. He'll handle it."

"So, does everybody know how the happy couple met?" Sirius's grinned.

"Is he going with clichés because I'm surprisingly okay with it," Lily said, taking another sip of her wine.

"They got off to a bad start because James, the clueless eleven year old, insulted Lily's best friend who isn't, um here because he turned out to be a git. I mean, not like the usual gits. This one was special kind. Lily was smart to get rid of him. Not that she was heartless. Lily is far from heartless. This git sort of chose his passion over Lily while James had him up by the ankle," Sirius tried to explain. He was going down the wrong path. All he could wonder is whether Lily would kill him with her bare hands or have James do it for her.

Sirius snuck a glance at the bride. She looked uncharacteristically happy, raising her glass to him. James had his palm to his face. Remus was laughing quietly as Peter cooed to Lizzy, the dog.

"But we're here to talk about James and Lily. So James learnt in fifth year that he was head over heels in love with Lily. He did all he could to convince her to go out with him. He even wrote poems. One of them goes like,

"You're the quaffle to my chaser,

You're the snitch to my seeker.

You're beautiful like the winter snow,

You always look pretty from head to toe.

You have had me smitten,

I think of you whenever I see kitten,

Or dogs or flowers or moss,

I think of you even when I floss.

If you'd stop being so obdurate,

I promise to stop hexing your best mate,

So go out with me,

Redheaded-Lily."

James flinched when the poem ended. It was already as bad as it could get. He figured he might as well laugh while he could.

"So I was sure I'd never get to see this day, but here we are. I'm not completely sure Lily is of sane mind or that James is either. Anyways, may you two have many babies," Sirius spat out and raised his glass before sitting down promptly. He had no idea what more to say.

"At least he stopped before it got worse," James laughed. Lily giggled hysterically beside him.

"Smitten-kitten," Lily chuckled.

"Hey, look who's letting up. That's the spirit, Lil," James patted her on the back.

Marlene looked around and announced nervously, "Let's start the dancing, shall we?"

James helped Lily out of her chair. As she rounded the corner of the table, she tripped on one of its legs. She giggled and allowed James to support her.

"Remus, get a pepperup potion, will you?" James informed Remus softly.

He led Lily to the dance floor and she walked sloppily.

"Hey, look there's my cousin, Lisa. Hey Lisa! Lisa, you bamboo shoot! My ginger cousin is wearing an orange dress. PUMPKIN! Look at you! If you grow any taller, you'll hit the ceiling. Ceiling. That's an interesting word. I'm going to go talk to Lisa," Lily muttered. She made to move and tripped over her feet. She fell hitting her temple. James bent down quickly.

"We had better take her inside," he told Marlene who appeared at Lily's side.

Marlene nodded.

"Mar-Mal-Marls, my head hurts," Lily mumbled.

James picked up the bride and with Remus, Sirius and Marlene, he took her to her room.

After a sobering potion, Lily looked much more clear-headed. The events of the night came tumbling back to her and she felt like crying.

Her mother coaxed her," Darling, in a few years none of this will bother you. People talk; they're gossipy old fools with nothing better to do. Let's go back to party."

"Lil, the cake is here. See, things are looking up already," Marlene said in a whisper.

"I better get back to the reception," James told Lily and took his leave with Sirius.

"Lily, all weddings seem like disasters. But they always, and I can't stress this enough, make good memories. You will never forget this night."

Lily scoffed, "Neither will Uncle Albert who has the burn marks to show it."

"In a few hours, this day will be over. Make the most of it while you can," her mother went on.

Lily sighed. She got up shakily, still nursing a headache.

Her mother was right. This day would make for fantastic memories. Lily felt rejuvenated, exiting with Marlene and her mother and Remus who lagged behind awkwardly.

They entered the reception where James was talking cheerfully to a few guests. She joined him while Marlene left to bring out the cake.

"Everyone gather around," Marlene announced. Lily and James found themselves standing in front of the huge cake seconds later. Only this time, they couldn't control their laughter for the cake said 'To James and Billy'.

Rose bit her lip, "The baker must have misheard me. I'm so sorry. But look, the baker never asked a single question even as he thought he was preparing the cake for a gay marriage. How sweet is that?"

Lily found herself laughing, "That's nice way to look at it."

"Your plastic surgeon must have been amazing. I can't even see the stitches, Lily," Marlene poked.

"Oh, ha-ha! I'm a man," Lily snorted.

James cut into the cake ignoring Sirius' 'you never told me you were batting for the other team' jokes.

The rest of the night passed by more happily than it had started. Lily and James danced and took pictures, uncaring what their guests thought.

Severus Snape watched, hidden outside the window. Despite all of his interventions, Lily and James had still gotten married.

He had to grudgingly admit that Lily looked genuinely happy.


End file.
